Fear of failure
2003-08-14 at 10:48 a.m.
I can feel sick in my throat. Every moment of the last twenty four hours has been reserved for thoughts of failure and disappointment.
Last night (in the 4 hours I actually managed to sleep) I dreamt that I got all U's (A-E are passes U is a fail) and broke down. My RE teacher (the nice one) told me what a dissappointment I was and that she was glad I wouldn't be coming back next year. I woke up in a cold sweat with tears in my eyes.
I never imagined I would care this much about being at my college.
Last night I cried talking to my sister about my fear of failure. She told me as long as I'd tried my best then that was all that mattered. But what if my best isn't good enough? I worked my ass off for my RE and Psychology exams. Fair enough I didn't exactly care too much about music or history but if I fail the first two I'll be so angry with myself. And yet there'll be nothing I could do. I worked hard and leave with nothing. There'll be no point in retaking because I've done my best and it's got me no where.
They're saying children shouldn't do GCSE's just skip straight to A-levels. I don't think they could possibly be ready to do that. GCSE results day was nothing compared to this.